Apologies
How to apologize sincerely
The short answer
A sincere apology names what you did, acknowledges how it may have affected the other person, and says what you'll do differently — without excuses or "but." For example: "I'm sorry I raised my voice. I think it made you feel dismissed. I'm going to pause before I respond next time." Don't apologize for things you don't feel responsible for, and never for someone else's abusive behavior.
Three parts that do the work
1. The action — specific and in your own words. 2. The impact — your best understanding, offered humbly. 3. The change — something real and within your control.
- "I'm sorry I made that joke about your job in front of your friends."
- "I think it was embarrassing, and I don't want you to feel that way with me."
- "I'll keep that kind of teasing out of group settings."
What makes an apology feel insincere
"I'm sorry you feel that way," adding "but…", listing what they did too, or expecting immediate forgiveness. An apology is something you offer; the other person gets to take their time.
When not to apologize
If you're being pressured to apologize for things you didn't do, or for someone else's threats, control, or violence, that isn't a communication problem. Support is available — see our safety page.
Try it — free, private, in your browser
1 · Choose a starting point
Own your part, specifically — no excuses, no scripts.
Only apologize for what you genuinely feel responsible for. You never need to take responsibility for someone else's harmful behavior.
2 · A few short answers
3 · Your draft
Private by design: your answers never leave this browser tab and aren't saved — closing the page erases them. Copied text stays on your clipboard until you copy something else. This is a starting point; change anything that doesn't sound like you.
The iPhone app adds 9 situations, saved messages, and a guided way to decide what happens next.
Get UnFightCommon questions
How can I apologize sincerely?
Name the specific action, acknowledge the impact, say what you'll change, and don't add excuses or demand forgiveness.
Should I apologize by text?
A text can open the door, but for anything significant, a conversation usually lands better.
Sources
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